Pranking Fury!
by m1ss-Cheshire Cat
Summary: Tony finally perfected his anti-bullet force-field shield, and what better way to test it than breaking into SHIELD with the other Avengers and pretending to be zombies? (Among other stories)
1. Chapter 1-The Zombie Attack

**My first attempt at writing comedy... Hope you like it! All reviews are welcome, they make my day :) On with the show!**

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"Do you honestly think this is going to work?" Bruce asked Tony breathlessly, staring in awe at the small watch like device Tony was working over. "Of course it will! Tell me Bruce, when has my technology ever failed. What's that?... oh, you're right-never!" He flashed Bruce a devilish grin. "Well there was that time when you made a bet with Thor about Mjolnir..." Bruce mumbled. Tony's cheeks mysteriously gained two spots of red. "We agreed never to mention that again." Bruce snickered. "We did, but it's just too funny not to mention..." He was interrupted by a cry of delight by Tony "Aha! Oh my God it's working! I actually did it- I've made a bullet proof shield!" Bruce couldn't see much difference apart from a small blue glow that had appeared on the clock face. "How do you know its working? You haven't tested it yet!" Tony froze, looking stunned. "An excellent point!" A maniacal gleam lit up his eyes. Bruce groaned. "Well, I know the perfect way of testing it...Assemble the team!"

* * *

"What is it now Stark?" Natasha demanded grumpily, flinging herself into a chair. Steve, Thor and Clint followed suit. "I, with my awe inspiring and phenomenal genius have managed to invent a bullet repellent shield. There is one for each of you. To test it out, we will storm the S.H.I.E.L.D base! Who's with me?" He looked around eagerly at the unimpressed faces surrounding him. "Tony, are you crazy? What's the point? Why would we need to break in- we work there!" Steve asked, staring at him. The other's nodded their agreement. Tony let out an insane laugh "We're not going to go in as ourselves! I have a genius plan. We pretend to zombies! That way we scare the living daylights out of our dear boss, Fury, and test if my shied works! It's perfect!"

cricket...cricket...

"Oh, come on guys, it will be fun!"

"Why Tony? Just...why?" Natasha asked weakly. Tony stared at her like she was mad. "Revenge! Have you guys forgotten about those God damn slime monsters he made us deal with last month? We had to go in the sewers! They exploded over us! EXPLODED! I couldn't get the goo of my armour for over a week! And it STANK!" He waved his arms wildly in an effort to put his point across. "We need make sure they NEVER make us deal with ANYTHING like that again!"

The avengers frowned at the memory. "I almost forgot about that... you're right, that kind of torture requires revenge- I still have goo marks on my suit! I'm in" Steve cried, standing up. The others looked at him in amazement. "Well, if Steve's in, I'm in" called Natasha, walking over to join them. "Whatever, sounds like fun. Count me in to!" Clint answered, not looking up from where he was polishing his bow. "It sounds like an adventure! A quest worthy of my attention- I will join you!" Thor boomed, slamming Mjolnir into the floor for emphasis. Tony winced at the damage. "Well, I guess I'll just stay here and..." Bruce paled under the fierce looks "Don't make me force you" Tony said dangerously, looming over the scientist. Bruce squeaked. "Okay! I'm in too!" Tony's face broke into a grin.

* * *

Agent Riley cursed angrily under his breath. He was on coffee duty again! He was an official agent; he shouldn't deal with such mundane stuff as getting the coffee! Still, if it was for Agent Hill he didn't really mind...He hissed as some of the scalding hot liquid sloshed over the side onto his hand. Walking down the corridor, he froze as he heard a load banging coming from the walls. And was that... groaning?" he backed away slowly; terrified, as huge dents began to appear in the metal wall.

Suddenly, with an almighty crash it split and out came...The Avengers. Agent Riley stared in horror. Their skin had turned a horrible green-grey colour, with the odd blue patches. There were a few tears and bite marks in places which oozed a horrible yellow substance, and their eyes had turned a bloodshot red. Zombie Steve turned towards the Agent, and began to lurch forward slowly. "Brains...Brains!" he grunted, his arms outstretched. Screaming like a little girl, Riley flung the coffee into the air and sprinted down the corridor.

There was silence for a few seconds before the Avengers began to splutter wildly "Oh this is brilliant! Natasha, you're skills with make-up are truly remarkable! I'll never hide your gun collection again! Right, we need to split up and 'attack' our designated areas. And make sure some people shoot at you- I need to know if my bullet shield works!" With that, he waved cheerily before grabbing Bruce and sprinting in the direction of the cafe.

* * *

Maria Hill looked up, startled as a man sprinted into the room, screaming hysterically. Sprinting up to her he fell to his knees, his eyes wide and staring. He began to babble. "Calm down Agent..." What was his name again? "Ripley. What's going on?" Riley gasped frantically "Avengers...zombies! And Steve... brains...eat brains..." he trailed off shuddering. Maria stared at him, wondering what had happened to his sanity. Her eyes wondered over to the door again- and she stepped back as Natasha and Clint staggered through the door.

They turned towards her. She slammed her hand into the emergency evacuate button, before grabbing one of the agents trying to escape and using him as a human shield. The two 'zombies' stumbled closer. Hill whimpered, and flung the agent at them "eat his brains instead! Don't eat mine! No! No! Stay away from meeeee..." She screamed frantically as Clint reached towards her. Her skin turned ashen as she fainted, dropping to the floor like a stone.

Both Natasha and Clint looked at her, sniggering. "What should we do with her?" Clint asked. "I still haven't forgiven her for saying I looked weird with my hair short... lock her in the cupboard!" Clint nodded, picking her up and carrying her to the cupboard. Both Avengers then left the room, continuing on to their next target. The agent who had been used as a human shield uncurled himself, and stood up. He looked around the room for a few seconds, before screaming and running for the exit.

* * *

"Ouch- You're squishing me!" Bruce hissed at Tony. "Well if you'd just move- I need to get this in the perfect position" He whispered back. They were both in the air vents above the cafeteria, looking down on the unsuspecting employees eating lunch. Aiming carefully, Tony gently threw a small spherical object down onto the floor below, then shrank back and waited.

Five seconds later, there was a mighty bang, and the sound of something splattering the walls. Flashing a grin at Bruce, he kicked open the vent, and 'toppled' down into the cafe. Straightening up, he began to snarl and stretched his arms out, trying not to laugh at the stunned faces covered in green goo surrounding him.

He shuffled towards a young female agent, who was standing next to a table holding her lunch. Doing his best zombie impression, he quickened his pace towards her. She didn't move. He stopped suddenly, and let out a strangled roar. She looked at him unimpressed. Bruce had climbed out of the air vents too, and stood awkwardly in the middle of the bemused faces.

Tony stopped roaring seeing it had no effect, and crept back towards Bruce, feeling the glares of everyone in the room burning his skin. Silence. "Well... This is embarrassing. I guess we'll just leave you to your lunch now. Bye!" They both backed towards the door, noticing the angry expressions of the people covered in slime. Reaching the door they turned then began to sprint away.

The SHIELD employees looked at each other. "AFTER THEM!" someone screamed, and they all ran through the door after Bruce and Tony. "RUN FASTER!" Bruce shrieked, seeing the mob gaining on them. He tripped over and was immediately grabbed by several people. "BRUCE! NNOOO!" Tony cried, seeing his friend captured. "I'LL BE FINE! LEAVE ME TONY, SAVE YOURSELF!" Bruce's muffled voice called out from the centre of the swarm. It was too late. Their pursuers seized Tony then marched back into the cafe carrying them both, kicking and flailing.

* * *

Steve and Thor crept along the corridor towards Fury's office, giggling like schoolchildren. Their way had been clear due to the alarm telling people to evacuate, and the few who remained had collapsed, terrified, at the sight of them. Putting his finger on his lips, Steve made a 'sshhh'ing motion towards Thor before rattling the door handle. He pulled his hand back, stuffing it in his mouth to stop himself laughing. He then knocked, making quiet zombie noises as he did so. There was no answer, so he stood up, gesturing at Thor to deal with the door.

Nodding, Thor slammed mjolnir into it, blasting it off its hinges. Fury was sitting at his desk, and his face paled at the sight of them stumbling in. "What in the hell?..." Thor moved towards him, swinging his hammer drunkenly. "Brains...Brains!...BRAINS!" They both screamed. Fury stood up and activated his emergency glass shield, cutting them off from his side of the room. He then ran and 'hid' in his cupboard, slamming the door as he did so.

Thor and Steve creased over laughing. "What did he do?" Natasha and Clint asked, coming through the door behind them. "He...hid ...in...His...cupboard!" Steve shrieked gleefully, snorting with laughter again. Their faces cracked into identical evil smiles. "Where are Bruce and Tony?" Clint asked, looking around.

"Here" Tony answered, staggering out of the vent. Bruce crawled after him. The other four stared in horror at the sight of them- they were covered from head to toe in food and slime, and both had bright red slap marks on their cheeks. Bruce's glasses had been broken, and were currently stored in his shirt pocket. They both had dazed looks on their faces. "What happened?" Steve asked. "Never ever interrupt an Agent from their food. Ever." Looking at each other, they silently agreed not to question his answer. "Well I'd say over all it was a success, even if we didn't manage to try out you're shield. Guess people were just too frightened to shoot" Clint said, smiling wickedly round at them all.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." The Avengers shrank back in horror as Fury emerged from his cupboard. He was armed to the teeth, and currently pointing a huge machine gun at them. His expression was murderous. "Run" he hissed "Run for your lives you motherfu-" The Avengers didn't wait to hear the rest. "RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHH!" Fury screamed, tearing down the hall after them.

Lamps and computers shattered as they were hit with bullets, which froze as they came within a foot of the Avengers. Tony stopped in astonishment "Yes! It works! IT WORKS! I TOLD YOU BRUCEY!" he sunk to the floor, crying in happiness. "TONY, RUN" Thor roared, picking him up and sprinting after the others.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BREAK IN TO A TOP SECRET FACILITY! GET BACK HERE YOU FREAKS, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THIS!" Fury screeched flinging his empty machine gun aside and loading another. "OH GOD! RUN! RUN FASTER" Natasha yelled. The exit door was in sight. Swinging his hammer, Thor grabbed hold of Tony, Bruce and Steve before rocketing off into the sky. Clint quickly fired a grappling hook from his bow, and then clung on to Natasha as he was whisked to the roof of the opposite building. The pair quickly sprinted off out of sight. Fury was left on the ground, snarling incoherently, waving his guns around in anger.

* * *

An hour later, Bruce finished drying his hair and joined the others in the living room. Tony was still ecstatic about his invention working, and was currently prancing around the room, singing. The others were sitting in chairs, numb expressions on their faces. "Fury's going to fire us..." Natasha whispered brokenly. "If he doesn't murder us all first" Steve agreed. " It was worth it" They all looked in shock at Clint. "What? It was; the expressions on Fury and Hill's faces!" They all snorted at the memory. "We have definitely got to do something like this again" Tony said, cackling. To their surprise, the others found themselves agreeing- winding up the SHIELD employees had been too fun to only happen once.

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**So...Thoughts? Hope you enjoyed it! :)**


	2. Chapter 2-The Coulson Kitten

**Hey guys... decided to add another chapter to this, as i was bored. You know, as you do** **at** **quater past one in the morning. Why do all the best story ideas and the desire to actually write something always happen at un-Godly hours? Answers on a postcard please! Anyway, without further ado- the next chapter... (hope you enjoy it, and its as good (or preferably better) than the first!)**

Thor yawned, annoyed at being woken so early by Steve- honestly, it was unnatural to be up at this time! It was only half eleven in the morning! Needless to say, he was not in a good mood. And he certainly wasn't fully aware of the goings-on in his surroundings, which explained why he jumped like a startled cat and zapped poor Agent Coulson with a blast from Mjolnir when he tapped Thor on the shoulder five minutes later.

There was a piercing boom and blinding flash of light as the bolt made contact with its hapless victim. Thirty seconds later, Steve came charging into the room, his shield raised and eyes alert, closely followed by Tony who was half assembled in the iron man suit. Looking at Thor's bewildered expression, raised hammer and noticeable absence of Coulson, Tony immediately pieced together what had happened. He snorted with laughter as he clambered ungracefully out of his armour "God, poor Coulson... he only came to say hello. Guess he caught sleeping beauty unawares and got walloped with the Hammer of Doom 'cos of it." Thor scratched the back of his head bashfully.

Looking around, Steve hesitantly asked "Where _is _Coulson? Now of the windows are broken, so he didn't get smacked out of one, yet he isn't in this room and I didn't pass him in the hall..." Three pairs of eyes widened as they glanced around the room, confirming Steve's observations.

"Oh no..." Tony suddenly whispered, sounding horrified. He was looking at a pile of clothes on the floor, which was in the centre of a massive star like burn pattern. "Those are Coulson's clothes... I think you've vaporised him!"

"No!" Thor cried, sounding horrified " I can't have killed the noble Son of Coul! He was a good man- i can't have killed him!" With that he collapsed to the floor, crying. Tony awkwardly crouched down to try and calm Thor, who was causing ominous thunder clouds to gather over New York. He patted his back clumsily, clearly out of his depth at dealing with weepy Gods.

"Guys..." Steve spoke loudly, in an attempt to be heard over the Thunder God's wails. The two men on the floor looked up, and noticing his shakily pointing finger, turned their heads towards the indicated spectacle. They gasped as they noticed the pile of clothes on the floor moving. Collectively they edged away from the bundle, all desperately hoping that they weren't about to see an Alien-esque creature emerge. Damn Tony and his love for late night horror movies. The bundle moved one last time and out tumbled...a kitten.

Steve and Tony gawped at each other "WTF?" Clearly written all over their faces. They turned to look at Thor, who appeared to be having an epiphany. "Ah my friends! Rejoice! Son of Coul is not dead! He has merely been transformed into this adorable midguardian mammal by the mighty power of Mjolnir!"

"Explain..." Steve whispered, his voice hoarse as he hopelessly attempted to catch up with how surreal the situation had rapidly come.

"Of course! Son of Coul surprised me when he snuck up on me earlier, so Mjolnir, interpreting him as a threat, merely turned him into a less threatening creature! He shall return to his former species in a day or so, have no fear!" Thor boomed, looking far cheerier than he had a few minutes ago. A ray of sunlight glimmered through the window as the stormclouds mysteriously vanished.

"Great... well I guess we should go get lunch, then tell Fury why Coulson will be off work for the next few days..." Tony sighed and mumbling about bipolar Gods, bent down to pick up the bundle of fluff and carry it to the living room. Dumping it unceremoniously on the floor, he moved into the kitchen to get food. He was closely followed by Thor, who looked delighted at the prospect of another meal.

Steve meanwhile was sitting on the floor, absently playing with the Coulson kitten. He glanced up as Bruce entered rubbing his eyes tiredly, indicating he'd been staring at computer screens for the past few hours. He stopped as he caught sight of the kitten. "Tony? Since when did you like cats? And did you even ask Pepper before you got one? I doubt she'll have agreed- you do know she's allergic?" He asked as Tony came back into the room, stuffing his face full of cheese sandwich. " I-no-a-ca,-i-coulon..." Tony attempted, spraying crumbs everywhere. Bruce grimaced and looked to Steve for clarification. "Thor turned Coulson into a kitten" he explained. Bruce nodded calmly "Of course... sounds completely reasonable. I'll leave explaining this to Fury to you three" With that he smiled sweetly and sat down on the sofa to read the daily newspaper.

All was calm for the next half an hour. Tony started as Natasha and Clint walked in. "Hey guys we've just received a new mission from Fury so we'll be leaving..." Tony looked up in alarm as Natasha's voice trailed off. Seeing her eyes glued to the kitten on the floor, he immediately began babbling explanations, convinced that she'd managed to deduce everything that had happened with her Russian Assassin Psychic Powers, and he would soon be on the receiving end of her Deadly Thighs of Doom for allowing Thor to be let loose with his hammer. He flinched when she suddenly moved.

Natasha flung herself to the floor, her green eyes growing shiny and huge. She cuddled the kitten close to her "oh my God its adowable!" she cooed, sounding like a three year old.

Cricket... Cricket...

The others gawped at her. Tony opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it, swallowing hard. Clint hesitantly stepped forward. "Come on Natasha, leave the kitten alone- we need to go on our mission now, remember?" Natasha looked up at him in horror "what? ...no. I can't leave Tiddles!" She began to cry hysterically when the kitten was carefully lifted out of her lap and she was gently guided towards the lift by Clint. "I love you Tiddles! I'll be back! I promise!" She choked out waving as the doors closed. Her wailing could be heard as the lift descended. None of them moved. "Wow. I didn't even know people's eyes could get that big- she was like...an anime character" Bruce stammered in shock. "I...I guess she's a fan of cats" Steve spluttered. Tony just stood there in a daze, his mouth opening but no sound coming out. Shaking his head, he shakily walked over to his cupboard, pulled out a bottle of whisky and downed it.

* * *

Fury glanced up as he heard a hesitant knock on his door. He froze, and glared icily as Steve, Tony and Thor shuffled into the room, with a clear "I'M GUILTIER THAN A FOX WITH A MOUTHFUL OF FEATHERS!" look on their faces. All three gulped loudly as they noticed Fury's attempt to murder them all by glaring. The last time they had seen him-when they'd tested out Tony's bullet proof shield- danced obnoxiously at the front of their minds. They regretted not bringing the shields with them.

" What-Is-It." He snarled through his teeth. All three of them shivered, and Thor looked just about ready to wet himself. Nobody spoke for a few seconds, before Steve took one for the team and mumbled "...turned Coulson into kitten..." as he bundled the fluffy ball of paws, white mittens, fluffy ears and whiskers on to Fury's desk. It looked up with bright green eyes and mewed.

Fury's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Are you honestly telling me that you have turned one of my SENIOR OPERATIVES into a KITTEN?" He hissed. Edging towards the door Tony squeaked "Yes!" before all three turned and bolted. Fury rose from behind his desk, the air around him literally crackling with his anger. He walked out into the room next to his office, and bore down on the three avengers, who were desperately trying to open the door to their freedom. They turned, eyes wide with fear as Fury loomed over them. "Did you honestly think I'd let you escape so easily after last time? Think again" he whispered menacingly, grabbing all three by their collars and hauling them back to his office, ignoring Thor's desperate "It's only for a little while... and I think he's much nicer in this form!"

He flung them all into separate chairs. "For this little stunt, you can finish up all of S.H.I.E.l.D's paperwork... and believe me, once you've finished, you'll never want to anger me again." He then stood and left the room, presumably to get said paperwork. The three avengers looked at each other in terror. They jumped as with a crack! The kitten on the desk turned into a blushing Coulson. Grabbing a stack of papers to keep his modesty he edged his way out of the room, and then sprinted down a hallway to his office. Tony and Thor began snickering, but stopped immediately as Fury entered the room, dragging behind him the mother of all paperwork loads. "Good luck boys- you'll need it. And don't even THINK about leaving till it's done." With that, he tossed each of them a pen and stormed out the room.

* * *

Ten o'clock the next morning, Tony, Thor and Steve staggered back into the tower, clutching swollen and twitching hands. Tony was whimpering softly "my hand...my precious hand... it's ruined! I'll never be able to use it again..." Thor had keeled over onto the sofa and was snoring loudly. Steve had bustled off to the kitchen to make a pot of tea.

Natasha and Clint stepped out of the elevator a few minutes later, looking tired but without any major injuries. Natasha's eyes scanned the room eagerly then narrowed dangerously. "Did you get rid of Mister Tiddles?" she hissed. Tony paled "Oh God... Natasha please, I can explain... Natasha- oww, not the hair! BRUCE! HELP! NOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! YOU RUINED IT!"

**Sooo...thoughts? good? bad? ugly? just plain wierd? deprived? Can't be bother to go on... write anything you want for a review, honestly- i always love comments about the weather. (And yes, i know the characters are horrificaly uncharacteristic and not at all themselves- blame it on Loki. It's always his fault somehow.)**

**Oh, and on a final note, as this fic is rated K, WTF stands for Wierdly Tall Fridges, ok? Thats all it stands for- Wierdly Tall Fridges... ;)**


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